Today I got an e-mail from my daughter to send her a recording of her performance with the Spokane Symphony.  She wishes to send it in as an audition for a competition.  She has asked me to do this several times. Today I tried to do so via e-mail.  The almost 9 minute recording is too darn big to do over e-mail.  So I thought about putting it on a different site and one thing led to another and here I am using my Blog spot to learn about designing ones own space and making it reader useful, not just for reading.  

Several posts ago I wrote about getting direction from my family and friends.  I have a calendar I look at on occasion, dreaming on....I can pop an appointment calendar into this space imagining that my sister could post on my calender, "Please plan a raking party for my yard by this date."   I don't know if it would be fun for her, but Dave has been asking me to set that up, and I procrastinate. : )   We shall see if the family pressure works better. 

Calendar and Playlist, that Clara can get her music from.  So let us see if my study works.

Entertaining Quilters: Mannino's Quilt Workshop, A Letter to its Members

Dear Quilting Buddies,

From the desk of a Messy:

I entertained three times in 7 days. My house was in order enough to spend the day without any cleaning. Well, the big stuff. I think a person who entertains twice a week scores a 7 on the clean house scale. At least according to Sandra Felton!  : ) I don't REALLY want to be a 10. I think I can be happy with that score.

Today, Maleny and I and David spent the whole day, minus bread baking moments, in the basement. I had planned to let David play with my machine, writing his name, and anything else, while I made a block, AFTER I finished a turtle neck project. I worked on the TN, but Maleny wished to build a block, so she designed and I cut her some material and assisted her project, taking out seams on mine, and hers sometimes. I found myself getting a little impatient, but realized if I did that, she was not going to think it worth being with me, so
I caught myself without duct tape. : )



David was happy to be in the playroom by himself singing and imagining with the Play Mobile. Maleny completed a block, and I constructed the shirt I cut out last night.

Tonight I get to learn how to use a double needle to hem the cuffs and bottom of the shirt. I am learning several things, before I sew with Dana. She is actually very frightened of the process. One, being to take this process lightly, and remember that I am doing this more to "be with" than to have a great final product. Second that this is a learning process and I have to stick with it, and don't keep doing the same dumb things over again. An Alanon lesson. The shirt I made was done without taking any measurements. It fits OK, 'cept the shoulders. Too big. So I am not going to make any more clothing without measurements and I wont make any more for myself till Dana gets some experience. I don't mind wearing this with a jumper or sweater to hide the frumpy shoulders. : ) I will do better next time. The fabric was only 2.00 so I am not going to spend any more time with it, it will be warm any way. I found an old replica of this pattern in the envelope that was supper adjusted for pregnancy, CLARA. I made three of these shirts for her inside. : )

Tomorrow I have glider cushions that I cut out 5.5 years ago. I wanted to do these on the singer, but the Singer was at Beth's house. The plan is to let Maleny sew another block and I will work on the cushions. Problem, the foam is expensive and I don't like what they have at Joannes, it always looks like it is 15 years old, with yellow. : ( But I wont let that stop me. Dave is jazzed that I am working on cushions and told me he wanted me to replace the rocking chair ones as well. So even if I have to go to Royal upholstery for the foam, it will be done. : )

Wednesday is Dave's day off, I hope to repair the Roman Stripe blocks and make the last one. Yet when he has the day off, I never know what will happen. We shall see. I also have a trip to my Moms grave on the agenda, Dave might suggest a tandem ride there if the weather is above 45. BRRRRRRR!

Please think about dinner for Thursday night and give me some suggestions. : )  Put in your ideas early, because I need some time to procure and look it up.

In closing I want to thank you three for giving me motivation to expand my "sacred space". The most important is the place in my heart and I hope in God's Grace to clean up there too. This small group is social presence enough for me to work on that. Thanks!

Love,
Rhonda

PS We have a new member.

Control?

Sandra Felton is the founder of Messies Annonymous.  While visiting the library with my three girls in 1991, I found her books Messie No More and the Messies Manual. When I got into my car I shoved the books she authored under the seat of the car.  I didn't want anyone to see.  The reading of these books was an epiphanic experience.  In one of her books, Sandra identified some typical human experiences that cause us to have a disordered ethos.  I knew I needed to have mine transformed.  Alcoholism and Codependent personality's were major factors. One didn't need to be an alcoholic, but if the Messie had lived with one in their lifetime, chances were that the wounds were keeping them from order.  The codependent issue can be mixed with alcoholism, or stand alone. 

In 1991-94 I worked on a recovery plan with the help of Alano. (I don't even know what that stands for, I just know that their was alcoholism in my family of origin).  I also bought all Sandra's books and worked out most of her program. I sought out a counselor and began scrap booking with Creative Memories.  I became a consultant, gave workshops on both Recovery and scrap booking.  That didn't last long.  But in that time learned a lot about myself and recovered a somewhat orderly brain.

The reason I bring her up today is that I had given her books to my parish library.  A few weeks ago, I found them there.  No one had touched them, though they had sat on the shelf for at least 3 years.  Since I recognized I have some lingering issues of procrastination, I snatched them off the shelves.  I wanted to revisit my helper Sandra Felton. 

The first thing I did was take her assessment on my housekeeping skills.  I rated a 6.  I think I would be ok with being a 7.  Which translates, being able to have company 2 or 3 times in one week with little effort.  I can do that, kind of. 

I have so many "Paper Dragons".  Just entering my library is an instant overload.  I have tried so many methods of organizing, that I had duplicates of many subjects all over the room.   The counters need to be clear, I want them to be clear, they are NEVER clear for long.

This is a record of last years attempt to kill one Paper Dragon, his name was "Sentiment" I actually did make some progress. The green box this was all in is not nearly so stuffed!

I kept reading.  I found her Flipper system and took mine off the shelf.  It needed revising.  I did rejoice that I knew where it was and that it was not a Mess.  I didn't even have to dig it out of a pile. Gazing at the "Flipper", reminded me how life was before I created my own.  The transformation that took place within my heart and even the formative influence it had on my children.  I have three adult children and a teenager.  They are NOT Messies. The two youngest are better at organizing and taking care of things than the first batch was at their age.  I digress.

I made a commitment that moment to follow the rest of Sandra's system in the way I had not the first time.  It consists of: The Flipper; a flip style photo album with daily chores and menus on one half, inspiration on the other. An index card file for contact info; A-Z, the months of the year; with the chores that need to be done in in that season or month.  I filed away pre-printed address labels in this box, and shopping contacts, meat market, Kung Fu lessons, theaters, etc.  The portable notebook: my dear Aunt Perky gave me this one for Christmas, next year I hope to print out pages from my iCalender and basically put one together from scratch.  We shall see.  And at max, a two drawer file cabinet.  For most Messy house wives, that is too much.  I committed myself to one drawer of Files in a desk drawer in the library.

An index file, a notebook for carrying, the Flipper and the 4th element..

 the file system  is (in the drawer of a desk).

As I revised my "Flipper" to a smaller size, I could see that mixing up the "system" was a problem.  Messies need to keep things simple.  I had Sandra's idea with the "Slob Sisters" preprinted cards in my system.  The "Slob Sisters" were a comical team of organizers.  The problem is, they used an index file system that was two complicated for the Messy.  I also had tried to use a Rolodex card system they suggested for my address book.  That is gone now, and so are two address books. 

I like the way the index card file is reflected on the counter.

Putting together the structure for this system has taken me three weeks. 



The file system was not so much as labeling files as it was getting rid of things I am attached to.  An exercise in DETACHMENT.  A virtue crucial to souls such as mine. If you look at my Facebook, it reflects my need to collect information.  It doesn't make my house messy, but it does waste  time. If that news was coming in the form of paper, it would be in my file.   It used to be and that is what I had to clean out, NEVER again. Now I have to remember this little saying. "Rhonda, you do not need to...See everything, Have everything, or KNOW Everything.  GOD has that covered and that is the ONLY thing YOU NEED to know."

On that mantra, you would think I could stop typing.  But NO... this is about procrastinating.  There are so many things that distract us Messies, we MUST find the tools to keep us on track.  But it is not just the tools.  It is God I need.  Some of my files have been bothering me for years, so much that I would rather stuff new paper in new file cabinets rather than make room for anything.  It is just too hard to face. My self published Catholic Home Education newsletter, of three years, was a painful memory.  I wanted to keep them, "they were pretty, had pictures of old friends and good articles".  But 95% of the people in those newsletters are not in my life anymore, I had typos and complaints that every time I look at them I feel it, and only one family said they enjoyed one newsletter.  When I unearth my old stack of the JMJ News for Catholic Home Educators, I have to face my motivation.  Approval. I want to believe that I loved publishing and acknowledging the efforts of others, but the pain from not being appreciated is so great that I can't let go of the mess of drafts and originals.  When I look at them, I still think they are pretty, but only on the surface. Our Advisor and his wife gave us some GREAT articles, so the content  was lovely.  My memories of events reported is not lovely. AND THAT IS JUST A SAMPLE OF the effects of MY PAPER DRAGON on my soul!  DEAR JESUS, SAVE ME!  I need to know that God is in control, and He wills me to ORDER and PEACE,  His love for me is greater than my own. He desires to be with me in all things, I just have to invite Him and "remain connected to the Vine" infusing me with the grace necessary for the difficult tasks.  A rather random thought but it fits, Fr. Jo's comment in Sunday's homily...Perfection in Christ, MERCY.  Mercy with self and others.

More Books on the Shelf..

more ways to procrastinate.  Sick that I am.  I watched a lame Christian comic on You Tube a while back.  He was monologuing about how he has no conversion testimony.  It was painful and stupid to watch.  The Road to Damascus is a book about 15 converts to the Catholic Faith. No two conversion story was alike, but every person was an author, before and after the conversion to Rome. I felt kind of like that comic.  I have no story, I am just a zealot.  I don't want to be. I am finding it really ugly.

The next book I pulled from the shelf is Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic.  My books are cataloged some what, I guess I am on the Apologetics and Conversion story shelf.  This one is written in the language of the Evangelical.  It is painful to read the attitude David Currie and his Christian brethren have about Catholic Christians. Some sects don't associate with those who associate with Catholics, and some just don't associate with Catholics.

I am so fed up with the lies that get thrown around about the  human person in this culture of death, I am like a fundamentalist zealot. I have forgotten Jesus First, He will take care of our human dignity.  I need to practice some surrender and  silence. It has come to my attention that without exception, ALL of the stories I have read, happen independently of someone pointing out ANYTHING amiss in the faith being practiced.  It is ALL a provocation of the Holy Spirit, GENTLY questioning the soul, the soul continues looking for answers, and they arrive Home to a fullness of faith, Jesus in the Eucharist.

I am going to set this book aside.  I enjoyed reading this man's conversion story, the rest of the book is Apologetics, and I am not in need of that. I get into enough trouble as it is. Though purusing through the chapters, he does an EXCELLENT job of explaining the Faith in ways I have never read or heard before.  I might even make a note inside, just in case I forget that I better read something else.  I will have it on my loan out or give away for anyone who would like to have it.

On to another tome.

The Sick Retreat

It is early in January.  I have a lot on my mind.  I began to get sick on Wednesday.   I spend most of my day in bed on Thursday. I feel worse today, but the souls in the house,I sense are not feeling moved to care for me. Two little ones and two adults are in need of a sound home.  So I rally and make breakfast for the late rising little ones.  I grab a book on Silence and Gregorian Chant before I lie down for 30 minutes.  As I read about the practice of embracing the "now" I realize what a gift sickness can be.  I am forced to take care of myself and listen.  I can't hold a book up forever, I have to put it down and let the seed of my reading take root in my soul.  I have to listen.......

I hear unrest upstairs.  The two little ones are bickering.  I direct their next half hour with an assignment of 15 lines of Maleny's signature. Tears of "pity me.. you mean old mom", fall down Maleny's face.  I firmly return responsibility to her and retreat to my room. This Mom wastes so much "now" time talking, when there should be silence.  I return to my book for the half hour and it is time to make lunch.  Maleny hands me her 15 lines of signatures and I ask her if I can make her a bean sandwich.  David gets a cheese burrito.  After cleaning up, I lie down again.

A new book is in my hands while the girls make dinner.  The Road to Damascus: The Spiritual Pilgrimage of Fifteen Converts to Catholicism.   In 2007 my husbands Uncle Kelsey Milner died. we went to his memorial.  It was an intense formative experience for me,  I wanted to articulate what was happening and couldn't fine the words.  Reading Fulton Oursler's conversion story, I found them.  "There was evocation wherever the eye would light".  I read this sentence and went in my mind to the Milner estate as they memorialized their father several years ago.

    Procrastinator that I am.... I have had these wonderful books on my shelf for YEARS, and today SALVATION has come!  I want to read them.  I want to make use of the hours in my day as the now, not in a utilitarian, western "doing" as ultimate value mode.  I want to "be with" these texts.  I want to consume them and make them part of my formation field, part of what I can offer others when I am "being with" others in the here and now.    I think I can commit to this. I have a daily planner to guide my days and so many good books on my shelves.  The question is, can I make a habit in 3 or four days of sickness, and not 21.  If so, cheers for the fruit of sickness!   The next miracle of transformation I requests is for motivation to write about the Memorial Event of Kelsey Milner.

The Internal Nag, and Inviting the External Reminder!

This morning the every day chores are evident.  I have two kids with colds, one of which would like to go to her first Kung Fu private lesson.  There are 3 loads of laundry,  putting away recently canned tomato sauce with its equipment.  Deciding what to have for dinner; my daily procrastination. And the every day of caring for a house while we live in it.  What is the old project I haven't gotten to.  Where is the Internal Nag bothering me to get something done?  I don't hear her, nor do I see the object that would provoke the nag.  I need an External Reminder.

Tomorrow I celebrate my 26th wedding anniversary.  Dana, Dave and I were just talking about compatibility in marriage and how we think we know what we are looking for in a life partner.  So mysterious is that other soul, we practically can not leave it to our own perception, but must follow God's direction when choosing a spouse.  The memory of being faced with that decision came up this morning.  It wasn't done without fear and trepidation.  I recalled to Dana how my mother liked to remind me that Dave had no time for me.  He worked many hours and then took long bike rides to shake off the worker in him.  I was not the center of his universe.  That did not look very good to my mother.  I on the other hand wanted The Holy Trinity to be the Center of my spouses Universe.  What is the "compatibility" factor? Dana doesn't think we look so compatible on the outside.

Reflecting on the dynamics of married life primed me to consider him as my External Reminder.  Dave has his list of things he would like to do, and those things that he knows are my expertise.  I can trust Dave's perception some of the time; like when I can't see the thing in front of my face. And other times, I am his eyes.  Today, it occurred to me that I could make a regular practice of asking for his eyes, that he become my External Reminder, rather than wait till things were bothering him enough to bring it up himself.  I really appreciate people who regularly do this for me.  Yet I wonder if both my perception and humility might not grow together if I seek out the neglected areas of my "formation field" and, when I can't see, to ask for help.  I know my marriage would surely benefit from this exercise.  Sometimes I think the External Reminder will remind us unknowingly of other things that are on the priority. In other words, reminding me of the laundry, may mean I have to do some shopping first; out of laundry detergent. So I may not always do what is on the top of Dave's list, BUT I may get to the root of the procrastination.

Today the invitation was answered!  Dave reminded me that I have objects that I need to "Craiglist".  Never mind how long many of the items have been under the computer desks, or in the closet.  I am going to do that today, after I figure out what to have for dinner.

Now for a formal list of External Reminders:
Dave
My children
Elizabeth
Liz
Marilee
My Dad
Neighbors 

Shrinking Skirts and Sweaters, Courage Man

Last summer, I washed several things by hand.  I was trying to avoid the drycleanning bill.  All was well.  I put two skirts I was convinced I could iron the shrinkage out of, in a bag.  One was mine, the other Dana's.  The material was "viscose", (rayon), the skirts shrunk, and now the linings were hanging far below the hem.  No one is going to want to wear them now, and I feel sick every time I look at them. They sat in that bag....I moved them into my new closet, out to site, out of mind.  My new closet saw a lot of changes and then I moved into the room that my closet was in..... The bag with the shrunken skirts continued to call attention to itself.  When I reached for the swim bag early in the year for Cecilia's Life Guard course, there it was.  Then again when we went to the beach.  I had to move the bag when I moved into the room. I wanted to take care of it, so I put it somewhere I would see it every day, on my dresser.  I saw it every day and wondered when I would have the courage to throw it in the GoodWill bag.

This fall I went through the LARGER designated Dry Cleaning bag.  Dana needed some fall clothes.  After deciding we didn't need many of the items, I took what was left of the bag to Clark's Cleaners.  The half off coupon reduced the bill to $50.00.  That bag had been patiently waiting to be cleaned for 2 years.  I began to feel guilty about the clothes I had the courage to wash, but not to press out.  So the two skirts came out of the bag and were put on the counter in our computer room.  This summer I moved my sewing and ironing supply's from under the basement stairs, to the computer room.  The skirts had been on the counter for 6 weeks and today was the day.   After deliberating the Good Will as a way out, I ironed them. AND THEY ARE BACK TO SIZE!   I think I may give them away now.  Or maybe I will where mine once more.