The Sick Retreat

It is early in January.  I have a lot on my mind.  I began to get sick on Wednesday.   I spend most of my day in bed on Thursday. I feel worse today, but the souls in the house,I sense are not feeling moved to care for me. Two little ones and two adults are in need of a sound home.  So I rally and make breakfast for the late rising little ones.  I grab a book on Silence and Gregorian Chant before I lie down for 30 minutes.  As I read about the practice of embracing the "now" I realize what a gift sickness can be.  I am forced to take care of myself and listen.  I can't hold a book up forever, I have to put it down and let the seed of my reading take root in my soul.  I have to listen.......

I hear unrest upstairs.  The two little ones are bickering.  I direct their next half hour with an assignment of 15 lines of Maleny's signature. Tears of "pity me.. you mean old mom", fall down Maleny's face.  I firmly return responsibility to her and retreat to my room. This Mom wastes so much "now" time talking, when there should be silence.  I return to my book for the half hour and it is time to make lunch.  Maleny hands me her 15 lines of signatures and I ask her if I can make her a bean sandwich.  David gets a cheese burrito.  After cleaning up, I lie down again.

A new book is in my hands while the girls make dinner.  The Road to Damascus: The Spiritual Pilgrimage of Fifteen Converts to Catholicism.   In 2007 my husbands Uncle Kelsey Milner died. we went to his memorial.  It was an intense formative experience for me,  I wanted to articulate what was happening and couldn't fine the words.  Reading Fulton Oursler's conversion story, I found them.  "There was evocation wherever the eye would light".  I read this sentence and went in my mind to the Milner estate as they memorialized their father several years ago.

    Procrastinator that I am.... I have had these wonderful books on my shelf for YEARS, and today SALVATION has come!  I want to read them.  I want to make use of the hours in my day as the now, not in a utilitarian, western "doing" as ultimate value mode.  I want to "be with" these texts.  I want to consume them and make them part of my formation field, part of what I can offer others when I am "being with" others in the here and now.    I think I can commit to this. I have a daily planner to guide my days and so many good books on my shelves.  The question is, can I make a habit in 3 or four days of sickness, and not 21.  If so, cheers for the fruit of sickness!   The next miracle of transformation I requests is for motivation to write about the Memorial Event of Kelsey Milner.